Kathleen FAQ

[billroper]

minnehaha B asked about Kathleen's origins and daisy_knotwise and I have noted some confusion, so here's how she came to be.

Gretchen and I had tried in-vitro fertilization before unsuccessfully, but decided to give it one more try several years ago after I had some minor surgery to improve my sperm quality. We ended up with seven embryos, two of which were implanted in Gretchen, but which didn't catch; five were frozen.

It took us a while to decide that Gretchen was unlikely to successfully carry a baby to term and that it was worth investigating surrogacy, where another woman would carry the baby for us. We originally spoke with a family friend about the prospect, but although she was willing, it didn't work out. This consumed nearly a year, which -- as it turned out -- was a good thing!

We signed up with an agency in Wisconsin that matches gestational carrier candidates with prospective parents. Shortly thereafter, they had a good match for us with a wonderful married woman with two children of her own (and a supportive husband) who had had fertility problems prior to having some surgery to correct her problem. A year earlier, she wouldn't have been in the program. So that worked out very well.

After everything was sorted out, two of the frozen embryos were implanted in our gestational carrier. That was in early March while we were literally in the air on the way to Consonance. As a result, I was spending a good bit of time in the Internet Lounge checking my e-mail to make sure that everything had gone well, which it had.

A while later, we discovered that one of the two embryos had implanted successfully and then it was just a matter of waiting, like any normal pregnancy. We knew the due date would be in mid-to-late November and were keeping a careful eye on it. The call came in on Thursday and we headed off to Madison, Wisconsin, where Kathleen was born the following morning.

The law in Illinois is extremely well-greased to handle cases like this, partly due to lobbying efforts that some friends of ours engaged in nearly 20 years ago. The law in Wisconsin is a bit more complex, but we have attorneys who are familiar with navigating the court system, and we expect that we'll soon be heading home with our daughter.

Comments

[minnehaha.livejournal.com]

Thank you. Can I ask questions?

B

[billroper]

Yes, although there are some that I either can't answer or would prefer to relegate to e-mail...

[minnehaha.livejournal.com]

The two things I am interested in are the surrogate's motivations -- is it financial or is she paying karma forward in some way? -- and whether or not she will be involved in your daughter's life at all, as an "aunt" or something?

B

[billroper]

That's actually a little easier to deal with via e-mail, so if you ping me at roper at filker dot com, I'll fill in the blanks...

[blueeyedtigress.livejournal.com]

May I also ask those questions, Bill? They seem good ones, ones that I had been pondering myself ..... and you already have my e-mail. Please and thanks. ;]

[katyhh.livejournal.com]

I would be interested in exactly the same things ...
While I am ecstatically happy for you two, it has been a bit hard to wrap my brain around it ... surrogacy is illegal in Germany, and I would like to understand a bit better that it can be a good thing for both sides. Only if you are comfortable writing about it, though. And no weirdness if you're not. Mail is katy at filk dot de
But no hurry ... you have more important things to do now :))

[catalana.livejournal.com]

I am actually also curious about this. It's extremely unlikely with my spinal problems I'd ever actually be allowed to carry a baby to term. I always assumed that meant I couldn't have children; I'm curious about other possibilities now. So an information you're willing to share, I'd love to hear some time.

[madfilkentist]

I'd known in general before, but not in that amount of detail. Hopefully there will be no more than minor legal nonsense to deal with, and Kathleen will be home soon. (There's almost a song in that, but I'll refrain.)

[celticmom1967.livejournal.com]

It is just amazing to me that science has gotten advanced to the point where pregnancies like this are successful at a regular rate. What a miracle baby Kathleen is! WOW!

Again, congratulations and my heart is bursting with happiness for the two of you!

[vixyish.livejournal.com]

Ah! Thank you very much for sharing that. That explains a great deal. :)

Many good wishes for everything going smoothly!

[figmo.livejournal.com]

Congratulations to you and daisy_knotwise on the birth of your daughter!

So...when do we get to see pictures?

[ladyrutile.livejournal.com]

I'm very happy for you both. You'll be great parents; Kathleen is lucky to have you!

[folkmew.livejournal.com]

I know one woman (quite possibly the friend you spoke of though she may be a little old to consider that now I'd think but...) anyway - she once told me she had done it because she actually really LIKED being pregnant and all of her pregnancies had been incredibly easy, plus she really felt wonderful to be able to help another woman have a baby. I remember at the time I thought that was SO cool. I would have done it in a heartbeat for my sister. I'm a little old too but at the time I offered I was still young enough to consider it. I'm not sure I'd do it for a stranger but I can see how someone would, especially if money was involved (not to make it sound purely economic but I imagine that would be a consideration since pregnancy is a big thing to do even if you don't then raise the child).

ANyway - thanks for posting this, I admit I was curious. I agree with Fred Small that love is what makes a family and I know your family will be filled with love!!

BTW - not sure you saw it so am mentioning that jecklar posted a congrats in my blog. :-)