On Coolness

[billroper]

When I was young and new to filking, some friends of mine headed off to a private room. I started to follow and was told that I couldn't come along because they were trying to do something definitive with a particular song. So I stayed behind, but I told myself that I was going to get good enough at doing this that I would be allowed to come along.

Eventually, I did. Not always, not all the time, but some of the time for some of the things -- maybe even much of the time! -- and that was good enough. Most of the time. :)

And maybe it's a little scary that despite having been a filk guest of honor at a number of filkcons (and God bless the folks who asked me), and being a member of the Filk Hall of Fame, and a filk dealer and filk producer, I occasionally get a bit rankled because I feel like I am just not cool enough. Now part of this is because I'm a thoroughly lousy self-promoter, I suspect, but -- on the other hand -- maybe I'm just as happy not doing that kind of self-promotion. The good things that happen to me tend to happen not because I asked for them to happen, but because people genuinely wanted me involved. And that feels pretty darn good.

There are things that I'm not much good at musically. I never really learned how to sing harmony, having been told by the folks in junior high school choir that I couldn't sing. I took this to heart and didn't sing, except that I'd wander around my high school chemistry lab singing quietly to myself and then I wouldn't believe anyone who told me "You have a nice singing voice" because I'd had too many people in my life up to that point who set me up to look like a fool.

I got over that. :) And I'm learning to sing harmony. Slowly and painfully, but I'm learning how to do it. Heck, it's just like singing the melody, except that it's not. (Actually, it's more like inventing a melody that adds to the main melody rather than detracting, at least as far as I've been able to work out.)

I'm not particularly useful in a band or Instaband situation though. I can play acceptable rhythm guitar or fingerstyle, but I still can't reliably sing backup, nor play a lead guitar line, nor bass (although I can cheat a bit with Frankenbass), and keep me away from the drums. :) And I am so happy that I've been blessed with friends like min0taur, Sally, markiv1111, Dorotha, catalana, Andy, and quadrivium who will work with me on album projects so that I actually have a virtual band behind me instead of just me and my guitar. And that is a majorly cool thing.

And I recognize that I probably could learn how to do some of these other things, but, you know, there's just a finite amount of time in life and there are other things that I've decided to do instead. So that'll just need to be ok.

In the meantime, I have a good job which I (usually) enjoy. And I have a good group of friends.

And in my copious spare time, I work on conventions, I produce albums, I have an improv comedy troupe, I'm half of a small-press book publisher, and I write songs. And I can make you laugh (usually in combination with daisy_knotwise), and I can make you cry, and sometimes I can just make you go "aw".

And in a month or so, I'll have someone new to start teaching the songs to.

And that's all pretty cool.

Comments

[ohiblather.livejournal.com]

Thank you for this wonderful post.

I especially love that second last line: "And in a month or so, I'll have someone new to start teaching the songs to."

:-) :-)

Many hugs to both you and Gretchen.

[daddy-guido.livejournal.com]

this'll overlap with what I told your wife, but...

We are adults, and as such it is our right and responsibility to associate only with those folks with whom we have mutual respect and enjoyment. "cool" is a relative term, best left in the locker room of a high school.

You and Gretchen are two of the kindest and friendliest people I know - you will make excellent parents, and you DO make excellent friends.

sometimes the kids behind the door are just hiding from the fact that they want to be out in the hall with YOU.

[chaoticgoodchic.livejournal.com]

Can I be part of your cool crowd? ;-)

Stop Your Complaining

[(Anonymous)]

Know one thing I hate? It's when majorly cool people like Bill and Gretchen Roper start complaining that they aren't cool enough. Why are you people so greedy? Do you have to have _ALL_ the cool there is? Why don't you leave some for those of us to whom Cool is an absolutely foreign concept?

Heck, one of the reasons Fandom exists is so the Uncool kids have a place to go so they can develop a type of cool that doesn't exist in the mundane world.

Actually, I really don't hate it. I am just bemused that people I respect and admire have their moments of doubt and pain.

[boogiebabe-smap.livejournal.com]

Bill, You are WAY cool! I know I speak for all the Boogie Knights when I say that we'd love to hang with you. You and Gretchen are good people. Smart, creative, friendly, and just crazy enough to be fun. What could be cooler than that?

[phillip2637.livejournal.com]

Nice post.

I bet life would be easier in this community if everyone wrote down all the ways in which they, themselves, are cool...even if it were never posted. (When people decide to enumerate the things they're thankful for, it increases appreciation of stuff around them. There's a chance listing one's own coolness would increase self-appreciation.)

[artbeco.livejournal.com]

Have to say I am so happy for you and Gretchen on your impending new little one. You'll be great parents and it warms my heart to know you are getting the chance to give a new little person a great life...
*hugs*

HOLY COW

[capplor.livejournal.com]

I just add you and Gretchen to the LJ friends list and I see this? "New little one" "in about a month". I gotta get tapped into the gossip better.

Fair warning -- it's common enough for kids to NOT want to hear the parents sing in public. Lullabies are something else. You love them anyway, of course.

[min0taur.livejournal.com]

You know, one of the gifts of yours that I've noticed consistently over the last 20-odd (sometimes *very* odd) years is that you create fascinating creative experiences for other people, almost nonchalantly (even when there's massive work involved behind the scenes).

Imagine growing up under that influence. I'd call that seriously cool.