Muses and Responsibilities

[billroper]

The following was inspired by some thoughts that I read from telynor and smallship1. Note that what I'm saying doesn't necessarily have any application to either of them, just that it caused me to think of these things.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with attempting to make a career as an artist, writer, musician, actor, or what have you, if that's where your muse takes you. It's better that people have jobs that they love doing. (It's even better when they're actually good at them, but that would be a different discussion altogether.)

Having made that decision though, you need to live with the consequences of your actions. Now when I say that, I don't mean putting up with the folks who ignorantly say, "Oh, that's not a real job." It is a real job or, at least, exactly as real as you choose to make it be. I'm talking about the fact that these careers are hard work if you're going to be successful at them and that in order to be successful at them, you're likely to have to make real sacrifices for some period of time.

You're likely to earn less than you would if you had a "steady job", certainly during the time when you're honing your craft. Heck, you may need a steady job while you're figuring out how to make a living doing that thing you really want to do. The stereotype of the unemployed actor working as a waiter or waitress exists for a reason. If you're able to make do on what you can bring in, that's fine. On the other hand, you don't really get to complain about the fact that you're not making as much money as you'd like to (ok, you can complain about it some, but I wouldn't recommend pushing it) because this is what you've chosen to do for your personal satisfaction. There are monetary rewards and psychic rewards and trade offs between them. It's great when you can get both at the same time and maybe you will get them both eventually as you succeed in running after and tackling your muse.

You also need to think about your responsibilities to your family, whoever they may be. Just because you're chasing your muse, you haven't been given a blanket pardon from the Governor that would allow you to walk away from your responsibilities. Your family might choose to support you because they love you and want you to be happy; they might also take offense at how your pursuit of happiness is messing up their lives. That's for you and them to work out and, if you care about your family, you figure out how to work it out and you may make compromises. That's ok. Your muse will not be offended by the act of compromise.

Let me pick on an example. Misty Lackey spent years working for American Airlines writing computer code. At night and on weekends, she wrote. It was hard work. Eventually, though, she got to the point where she no longer needed the day job. And that was great.

Ok, how about me? Well, I'm really lucky. I have a day job that I like and that pays me well. But every so often, I amuse myself with thoughts of trying to make it as an improv comic. Hey, fat guys are funny, right? And it's not like I don't have a couple of clues about what I'm doing there.

But I'd have to give up other things that I love in order to do that. It'd probably end up playing hell with my relationship with Gretchen, not because she wouldn't be supportive, just because it's really hard to make it in that sort of career, especially starting at my age. And I wouldn't have the income that I have now, which makes it possible for me to do other things that I like doing, including eating regularly.

So I'm happy enough with what I do. And I feed my muse occasionally with SpaceTime Theater, or by writing a song, or singing at a filk.

You should be happy with what you do too. But you also need to accept the consequences as part of the bargain.

Comments

[sdorn.livejournal.com]

You have a great sense of humor, but you have even better judgment about life.

[filkertom.livejournal.com]

Word. People told me for years I should try to make it as a musician, but folk-rockers, and especially filkers, don't get standard-issue health care packages, as a f'rinstance. It is nowhere near easy, and I'm making less than half of what I made before.

That said, I always thought I'd be happy if I just made enough to pay the bills and have a little extra... and it turns out to be true. The trade-off in income is more than balanced by not being exhausted to the point of nervous depression and near-collapse every damn day. I'm in better shape emotionally than I've been in decades. Creatively, it's like the stopper's been pulled and the genie released. I mean, five years of nothin', and then two concert albums and three original albums in the following year and a half? (I'm working on the last two tracks and the final mix of The Last Hero On Earth this weekend, and I will do everything I can to have it at the duplicator well before the end of September.) And more stuff is coming before the end of the year, both from old concerts and brand spankin' new.

I've tried not to lean on my friends and family for financial support -- partly because I don't want to be any more in debt than I need to be (and a huge thank-you is necessary to Bill & Gretchen for kindnesses I hope to be able to properly return in the very near future), partly because I may really need such help down the line, but mostly because this is my choice and they shouldn't have to pay for it. I don't want anyone resenting me for mooching off them, and, bluntly, if I'm making it by getting help from people, I'm not making it.

The choice to go pro was made for me when I got laid off, but in my heart I always wanted the chance. I wish I'd been able to make a bit more of a financial base to work from at the start, but, however marginally, it's working, and the job satisfaction is about a gazillion times better than everything I've ever done, and I think and hope this is actually gonna work. If it does, it'll be because of what I do, with all the best kinds of support by my friends and fans. If it doesn't, it'll be my fault alone.

Which, really, is the only way I'd have it.

[the-gwenzilliad.livejournal.com]

I said I wanted to do what I love to do without guilt. That means I made the decision to be poor, mostly. At this point in my life, I am lucky enough to have a partner who is willing to support me in this as long as I agree to contribute whatever I can. Now, when I'm legally able to be employed, that might mean that I also contribute through a regular part-time job, but it's understood that once creative endeavours (performing, teaching, writing, whatever) reach an agreed-upon level, I don't have to do that anymore, and I never have to make any more than that agreed-upon level. I am best at work like this. It is better that I do this than other things.

Of course I whine that life isn't perfect and the Sportscar Fairy hasn't visited me (nor, now that I think of it, has the Large Estate In Wales Fairy, dammit). Of course I whine that people aren't lining up around the block to give me huge sums of money just because I'm obviously a genius. ;) I think we all have days like that.

The devaluation and undervaluation of creativity, live music, real crafts-- those are social issues that I do talk about quite a lot, I suppose. I don't think I talk about them because I am carrying around a huge chip on my shoulder because I've chosen this life. I talk about those things because I wish the world were different, and talking about them gives me the power to organise my thoughts on those subects so that I'm better able to explain myself the next time someone asks why on earth I'd do a crazy thing like music for a living.

I've learned to live a lot diferently than I used to. I've given up a lot. I guess it's not easy to see how much I've given up because where I am and what I do now makes me so happy. Yeah, I don't have a big car and a big house and great clothes and great art in my house. I have to do things like knock down my own kitchen wall with my family and wait a few years for real cabinets. But the light here is incredible. And a whole roomful of people singing along? I'd have happily traded all of that stuff just to have that. Everything else, love, happiness, sweet English sunlight-- well, that's a lot of gravy. But it's really, really good gravy.

[billroper]

Sure. And the point is that you're happy and your family is happy. That's a good thing.

[jrittenhouse.livejournal.com]

Understood, and I've seen other people than Misty (who I used to know very well) do the same as she did.

I have another seven years or so before I become eligible for a full pension from the US government, at about 2/3rds of what I made when I retire, and full medical till I croak. That I will not drop into the lake for anything. Unless, of course, I win the lottery big, but I doubt that.

I dropped out of a lot of fannish pursuits years ago because I had a lot of responsibilities at home, and damn little spare time to devote to other things. And frankly, since 1999, I've had a LOT of those responsibilities, and I would have to hurt my family a lot if I were to drop everything and do those.

But Mere is getting old enough and things are settling enough that I'm feeling restive. My main effort right now is to get my Big End Responsibilities in the household to a normal whir of click-click-done, and that isn't done yet. My recent *um* medicine changes (getting on adult ADD medications) is helping a lot, but I'm fighting the bad habits of 48 years.

What I *want* to do is be a writer. I have plenty of stories to tell, but it requires time and focus and sustained effort to get them out, and I haven't been able to do that. There's lots of ideas, and several starts, but only one finish, and I've never been happy with it.

When I retire, I'll probably get a new day job (which won't hurt my pension a bit) but it will be one where I won't have to worry so much about it being there tomorrow. Teaching history, or political science, for instance, at the college level. I don't care about tenure. And write my ass off. If the stuff catches fire, I drop back on the teaching.

I'm happier as a webmaster than I would have been as a lawyer, but I could have been a historian or a polysci prof just as easily.