Down the Dog

[billroper]

You can tell that we're (or maybe just *I'm*) getting a little slaphappy here, because I've been putting together bits and pieces for a new game show proposal to appear on the Game Show Network. All I need is the pilot, which goes something like this:

It's time for another exciting episode of America's favorite new game show, which brings people and their favorite canines together as our contestants try to figure out what will go Down The Dog!

Let's welcome our contestants, Mona, Dave, and Sam. Their job is simple -- they just have to figure out which of these common household objects, some of which actually resemble food, will go Down The Dog!

And here's the first of our celebrity chow hounds for today: it's Ruby! Ruby is a mutt who is frequently mistaken for a Labrador Retriever, but since she hates water, we're pretty sure she's not a Lab. And here's Witney Carson with the first item as we play Down The Dog!

(Witney) It's a blueberry muffin!

A blueberry muffin! Ok, contestants, lock in your answers and then let's see if a blueberry muffin will go Down The Dog!

Everyone's locked in, so let's see what Ruby thinks of a blueberry muffin. And look, it's gone Down The Dog!, muffin, paper, and all. What a champion Ruby is! Absolutely no hesitation in taking down that muffin. And what did our contestants say?

Mona and Sam, you had that muffin going right Down The Dog, but Dave, you thought Ruby was going to pass that by. Why is that?

(Dave) Well, I don't actually *have* a dog.

Then you should get one!

Let's go to our next celebrity canine. Welcome Jack, a Bichon Frise. Cute little fellow. And Witney, what have we got for Jack?

(Witney) It's ground beef!

Ground beef. Well, I guess some of these have to be simple. Contestants, lock in your answers. Got it? All right. Let's see if ground beef goes Down The Dog! And, yes, Jack has downed that ground beef.

Contestants? Yes, everyone had Jack downing the ground beef. Well done.

(Witney) I think the ground beef is coming back Up The Dog.

Yes, that's what it looks like. Some of these Bichons have delicate stomachs. But it's what goes down that counts!

Now it's time for our final dog of the round. It's Smoker, another mutt, half poodle and half philanderer, I'm told. Look at that tail go! This is a dog who thinks he's about to be fed! Witney, what have we got for Smoker?

(Witney) It's a nylon stocking!

Really? Ok. Contestants, lock in your answers. Ready? Ok, Witney, let's see if that nylon stocking will go Down The Dog!

(Witney) It did! He ate it!

That's going to be fun later. Let's see which of our contestants had that stocking going Down The Dog! Sam, you were the only contestant who had Smoker eating that nylon stocking. That gives you 30 points and you're our big winner for the day. You'll move onto our bonus round where you'll have a chance to win $25,000.

Mona, Dave, I'm sorry you didn't have better luck, but you'll be leaving with a copy of the Down The Dog home game, which is fun for the whole family.

We'll be back with Sam and our celebrity pooches for the bonus round right after this message from our sponsors...

Comments

[madfilkentist]

A sweet potato needs to be one of the contest items.

[bedlamhouse]

Such items as the stocking happened frequently enough with our dog Bink when the kids were small that the discussion of what came out later was forbidden at the dinner table, engendering the phrase, "Let's not talk about the dog" for a subject that should be left alone while eating.